Get a head of those holidays, not so fast

Here I am, in the office with the two little pissers. No, no, not any of my kids…the puppies.

Somewhere in my head I thought 3 girls, a husband, a hamster, an 18 year old dog, 2 puppies and a partridge in a pear tree were a good idea. I’m still wrapping myself around this concept as I struggle to believe¬†this is my chaotic life.

I guess we should go back a little bit.

Recently I started thinking this is my year. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna get ahead of these holidays and roll through them stress free! What an idiot. Do any of us really accomplish this? NO. I meant to leave that rhetorical, but I can’t. I can only hope some of you find your greatest successes in your failures as well.

So in October I began ordering Christmas gifts. Brilliant right!?

Wrong. I’m so good I forgot not only what I bought, but who it was for, and get this…where the hell did I hide it? I’m gonna end up just like I did last year.

One day my husband asks (in January or February), what shoes should I wear with this? Those new ones I got you for Christmas I holler. Husband looks at me like I have grown 10 heads: “Shoes”? OMG, I hid the shoes so well I never gave them to him.

We’re seeing a pattern here aren’t we?

So let’s move past my current gift crisis that’s unfolding real time. Yesterday the first Christmas tree went up. I know. I know. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet. Save the judging until I gorge myself on carbs and pass out in the middle of the feast okay?

The tree is up! This morning my little one is helping fluff it and we move onto playdoh and other imaginary stuff moms love to play for 6 hours a day. I mean talking the dolls and having a toddler clap at you for making a pee pee in the potty is so spectacular.

We make a full circle back to the kitchen for lunch and there it is. Puppy aftermath, or should I just call it daily life? They got up on the table, ate all the pencils into a million shards. Don’t worry about me guys, I found every last one with my God damn feet. Only playing second fiddle to finding a lego or barbie shoe with the foot. I’m annoyed. Big time.

“Peanut, Butter, outside”. Yes, our puppies are named Peanut & Butter and it is so cute when I’ not mad.

GREAT! Butter had an accident on the back door rug, forgivable. Peanut however pissed all over the back door to mark it.

Clean up here I come. Yay.

Done, and we move on…potty break time. So I pull a hard U-turn to the bath at a rapid pace and rrrrrttTT! That Mother F***er pissed on my tree.

This is not the great out doors. You do not lift a leg on MY CHRISTMAS TREE!!!¬†Piss on a tree outside! Outside!! My eyes are bugging and I’m positively curse mumbling to myself about what a jerk he is. Will he think I’m growing a forest when the second tree goes up? Lord give me strength. The holidays are just warming up.

And a Merry Pissmas to me!



Being a mom, a cautionary tale…

I’ve been a mom now for 8 years. Those years have been riddled with ups and downs. This is a job that brings tremendous joy and heartache.

I love to see my children (3 girls) learn, laugh and succeed. I hate to watch them break, I’m talking curl up on your lap sobbing broken. Whether it’s over a barbie arm falling off or a peer hurting their feelings, the emotional burden is the same.

No one prepared me for these burdens and sacrifices of a mother’s duties. Perhaps no one can truly communicate this effectively. Maybe we wouldn’t have listened anyway.

As a small girl I recall begging my mom to sit down for a few minutes with me. I now hear my own girls requesting the same from me. Haunting, I know.

The workload never ends, the piles of dishes, laundry, homework, kids activities, boo boos to be kissed, playdoh to be smashed, butts to be washed, I could literally Go. On. Forever.

Everyday feels the same yet filled with different struggles and worry. I look at myself and wonder where did the time go? Why do I look like a person I never thought I’d become? Why can’t I get it together!!

I can’t get it together because I don’t want to. So what if I look like I slept in my car. This is the real deal, the downslope on a rollercoaster and I am white knuckling life.

Thank God I’m past the shit up your back diaper blowouts while shopping and you can only find one wipe.

Actually that sums up my mom life. Probably most mom’s lives actually. I’m not embarrassed of my trainwreck mom fails. I enjoy those fails. Fails so good you can’t wait to tell your mom friends about them so you can all die laughing.

I’m surviving motherhood one trainwreck at a time. I’ve learned to let it go, laugh at it, and embrace the insanity.

How do you survive motherhood? Are you a mom that laughs at the insanity too?