Not the usual day

Would you believe it? I wore jeans today…AND I left the house.

I’m not sure exactly what got into me. It’s hard to be comfortable in jeans with my cupcake top. I’d call it a muffin top but please I don’t eat those. A muffin is just a cupcake disguised as a healthy cousin, but you’re being lied to. Cupcakes all the way!

I digress.

So I took the kids to Old Navy to get a refresh on their lean wardrobe. Can you imagine the three let loose to overpower me while I’m trying to pick clothes for all three.

I’m dropping things thru the store, customers chasing me with our lost items.

The free balloons were weaponized in 30 seconds. I’m not even sure who told on who the most and over the lamest things.

The youngest 2 kids were extra excited to take turns in the cart with attached baby seat. The youngest got a few rides in. The middle child was ready to break down she didn’t get a ride as we were in the checkout line.

The 2 were bickering and the youngest refused to give up her spot. I promised the middle I’d make it happen for her. Please, no tantrums.

Now applying for a tour guide position at Old Navy…

Let’s make a turn here at women’s sunglasses, pass the flip flops and head to my favorite section. Elastic waistbands. They’re a mom’s best friend.

“What are you talking about momma?”

One day they’ll understand my humor, and then I’ll be paying some hefty therapy bills.

I loop back around to my oldest.

“I need tissue mom!”

Boogers have run down to her lip.

“Excuse me, do you have some tissue?” I ask the cashier. She passes over two. Why so stingy I wonder. “Thank you.”

I see everyone in line looking at us. The people that returned our dropped items, the people mentally judging our cart and tour.

I smile confidently at them and promise. “I’m a good mom.”

And you know what, I am. As my kids ran around they had fun. Their bickering was normal and no one knocked down a mannequin (I think). I’d say this was a success.

We popped over to the restaurant next door.

Now before I continue I’m going to share this information. We are restauranteurs. I have worked every job in the house. Bar, waiting tables, expo, line cook, managed, ordering, etc. You name it, I’ve done it. I’m fully proficient and comfortable in this environment.

That being said there are a few rules we live by. Never complain. Never speak out negatively against a restaurant. It’s just tacky.

So we sit down, order the food and drinks at the same time. Kids in this setting are a ticking time bomb. We wait 35 minutes and still no food. The kids are antsy and I’m wondering what is taking so long.

We are at a chain. There are 10 tables in the place and I can’t figure out what the problem is.

The table next to us placed their order after us, and got our food before us. To a customer this is annoying. Before we jump to the conclusion this is a 2 top, no it’s a table of 4 and we are a table of 5.

This is a fail on the server’s part. She likely submitted their order first. It would make no sense for the kitchen to fire their order first otherwise.

I noticed all the staff coming to visit this other table. She used to work here. Now it all makes sense.

Our server touches our table to tell us our food will be out soon.

She finally returns with our food and a second round of entrees for the other table. That other table got 2 rounds of entrees in the time it took us to get one.

We eat and the food has died in the window. My youngest hates her pizza. This meal was a complete fail.

The manager touches our table.

“Is everything ok here?” He asks.

“Yes everything is ok.” I tell him.

“Okay.” He smiles and leaves.

If this guy worked for me he’d be advised that mediocrity is unacceptable. Never ask a table if things are “ok.” You might as well ask if everything sucked.

“How is everything?” Is a much better question. It’s a better way to get an honest answer from the guest.

After the manager left my youngest yelled “Wait! I want to tell him I don’t like my pizza.” After waiting nearly an hour for mediocre food we left, with my 3 year old hungry.

Eating out with kids is basically a disaster.

Onto the last stop. Home Depot, we did a quick lap, grabbed some samples. Fed the little some purse snacks. Then I stopped to ask an associate some questions.

Every so often you find someone that can keep up. This older man was a veteran, full of wit and was happy to help while soaking up the kids.

“Do you plan to demo the countertop?”

“No, I’m lazy.”

This counter top will stain, blah blah blah.

“I use a lot of acids, lemons, coffee, etc. when I cook.”

“You should stop taking acid.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Don’t spill red wine on it.”

“I don’t drink.”

“You must take meds.”

“Shouldn’t everybody?”

His coworker is looking on horrified.

He looks to my husband. “You must have a good life.”

“I do.” The hubs responds.

We thank him for his help and head for the door.

We make it to the checkout where another associate begins talking to the kids.

I love it when people try to talk to my kids. They always say the best things in response. As the checkout guy asked the youngest how she was there was no hesitation.

“I want to poop on the man.” I’m pretty sure he wanted to die but I had a good laugh.

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